I used to think that the only way to tell whether someone was serious about you was by grand romantic gestures. If they didn’t take you out for candlelit dinners and buy you flowers, they weren’t playing for keeps. I blame Hollywood movies and diamond commercials for how very wrong I was. While being showered in extravagant dinners and gifts is nice; it doesn’t necessarily mean that the other person is interested in having a serious relationship with you. In fact, when it comes to figuring out whether someone is serious about you, it’s all about reading the subtle signs.

Not sure whether the person you’re dating is in it for keeps? Here’s a few clues to look out for –

1. They want you to meet their friends.

And not in a “Yo, a bunch of us are hanging out at the bar. You should stop by if you’re not busy.” If someone is serious about you, they’ll make a point of making plans where you’ll have a chance to meet some of their friends. Whether it’s meeting their book club buddies for a pint after an intense discussion about Proust, inviting you to join in on their weekly beach volleyball game or asking you to be their date to a friend’s wedding – introducing you to their friends says, “I think you’re special and I want you to meet other people that are special to me.” In other words, they’re letting you in on their life – and that’s a good thing.

2. They text you in the morning.

A late night hook-up they are not. Instead, a subtle sign that they are serious about you is when you receive a text from them in the morning. If they’re sending you a 10am “standing in the line at Starbucks” text just to say hello or mention something that you were talking about the other night, there’s a good chance that they’re thinking about you all the time.

3. They plan dates.

People who aren’t interested in or excited about a relationship don’t make an effort to plan dates; preferring instead to let you come to them. However, if they are are excited to make plans with you – for example, booking tickets to that museum exhibit you’re both really curious about or making reservations at that new taco joint you’ve been dying to try – chances are they’re interested.

4. They don’t sweat the big stuff.

When you talk about your feelings or casually mention your future together, they don’t freak out. In fact, they’re calm, understanding and seem legitimately excited at the prospect of spending more time with you (as they should be!)

5. They make plans in advance.

If someone isn’t interested in something serious, they’ll make plans on the fly and rarely more than 24 hours in advance (see above re: “I’m at a bar with the bunch of people – wanna hang out?” text.) But, if someone is serious about you, they’ll have no problem making plans with you days – even weeks – in advance.

6. They want you spend time at their place.

And they are comfortable hanging out at yours. In my experience, people who aren’t serious about you tend to only plan dates that take place in neutral locations (outside of the house) and if/when they come over to your place, it’s for one reason alone (to hook up) and they leave the scene as soon as possible. But, if they want to spend the evening together and sleep over so you can have coffee together in the morning, there’s a good chance that something serious is in the works. Plus, if it seems like they’re actually comfortable at your place and like spending time there (even if it’s a total man-cave or girly-girl apartment), that’s another really positive sign.

7. They’re thoughtful.

And a good listener. They remember little things you’ve told them and refer back to them later (“Of course you’d like the the show BoJack Horseman. I remember you saying that you’re a huge Arrested Development and Simpsons fan.”) They also remember your friends and ask about them (“How’s Bianca, your friend that was in your hospital?”) If someone isn’t serious about you, they don’t make the effort to let you know that they remember these kinds of details.

8. You’ve had “the talk.”

Sometimes, subtlety can only go so far. If you’ve had “the talk” and you’ve established that you’re boyfriend/girlfriend and together – that means that you’re both into each other and see a potential future. Stop sweating the details and enjoy the ride!