When it comes to dating advice, there are tons of cliches. From “it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved before” to “if it’s meant to be, it will be,” these are the same phrases that we hear again and again, to the point where I’m sure many of us have started to tune them out. If I hear one more person say “everything happens for a reason” after I break up with someone, I think I’m going to scream. (And I know I’m not the only one!)

Yes, cliched dating advice is annoying. However, these little niblets of advice have become cliches for a reason: because they’re true, for the most part. Love is strange and messy and awesome. Even though it hurts when love ends, it’s definitely better to have experienced it in all it’s complicated glory than to have never opened yourself to the possibility. Also, I really do believe that if things are meant to work out between two people, they will – and if they don’t, the relationship can be seen as a learning opportunity.

If you’re still out there looking for the right person, here’s a few totally cliched pieces of advice that you need to embrace –

1. Love yourself first.

You know the saying: “you can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself.” Although you’re probably sick of hearing this, it’s so, so, true. You need to be happy with yourself and your life as a single person before you introduce someone else into it. A relationship shouldn’t be seen as an answer – after all, having a boyfriend or girlfriend isn’t automatically fix everything – but rather, as a cherry atop an already great life.

Taking the time to dig deep and do some soul-searching while you’re single will only benefit you in the long run. If you want someone to love and accept you for exactly who you are, you need to be able to do the same when you look in the mirror. If you love yourself and have a solid self esteem, you’re going to attract people who see you in the same light and have a much easier time walking away from the ones who don’t.

If you don’t love and accept yourself and/or you’re not happy with your life – figure out what needs to be done to change that. Maybe this involves working to get to a place where you fully accept your body or seeking professional help to deal with lingering emotional baggage – whatever it is you need to do to feel good, do that thing.

Remember, like attracts like so by loving your life you’re going to attract someone who is also happy and comfortable with themselves.

2. Be clear about what you want.

One of the things that a lot of singles struggle with is that they know they want to find the right relationship but they don’t really know what that looks like. If you’re going to reach a goal you first need to define that goal, otherwise you’re just flailing around in the dark. Be brutally honest with yourself and don’t just focus on the superficial. I get that you want to meet someone who is “hot,” but how do you want to feel when you’re with that person? What does love and commitment look like to you? What are your values? What are you not willing to compromise on in a relationship? The clearer the picture you have of what you’re looking for the easier it will be to recognize it when it comes along.

3. You need to kiss a bunch of frogs.

This is another one that’s totally cliche but true. Dating is a trial and error experience. Even if you’re happy with your single life and you know what you’re looking for there’s still going to be a lot of instances where things just don’t work out. Stay positive and hang in there. It will be worth it in the end.

4. You need to try.

I know what you’re thinking, “but shouldn’t meeting the right person just happen naturally?” Yes, but you need to put yourself out there to make it happen. You can just stay in your own little cocoon and expect the right person to just waltz through the door. You need to at least make yourself open to the possibility of meeting someone. Get online. Send a few messages. Say hello to that cute person you spotted at Starbucks. You wouldn’t expect to get ahead in your career by making zero effort, right? You need to approach dating the same way.

5. Let your guard down.

I’m not saying you should engage in dangerous dating behavior or accept dates from any and all weirdos that contact you online, I’m just saying that people aren’t islands. If you’re hoping to meet the right person you need to make yourself emotionally available. Sharing your feelings can be scary, but you need to be able to open up to let someone else in.