I’ve never liked the term “hopeless romantic.” It’s always felt off to me somehow. Urban Dictionary sums up my unease perfectly in their definition:
“This person is in love with love. They believe in fairy tales. All hopeless romantics are idealists, the sentimental dreamers, the imaginative and the fanciful when you get to know them. They often live with rose colored glasses on.”
While there’s nothing wrong with relishing in romance and wanting to meet your soulmate (and maybe even crying at the occasional Nicholas Sparks movie); approaching your dating life with rose coloured glasses is not only unrealistic, it’s also likely only going to lead to disappointment.
I’m here to tell you this: you can still be a romantic, through and through, while also being a realist.
Here’s a few signs that your status as a “hopeless romantic” might be getting in the way of your dating life.
-
You’re still waiting for your Prince Charming or Cinderella to rescue you.
Hey, I get it – we all want to meet that one special person that will add an extra layer of awesomeness to our life. But, if you’re waiting for someone else to show up and change your life, you’re actually holding yourself back. It would be great if someone else could just show up in a horse drawn carriage or late model BMW and fix all of our problems with the touch of a magic wand, but life just doesn’t work that way.
A romantic realist knows that if you want to meet the right person, you first need to take ownership over your life – romantic and otherwise. This means creating a life on your own terms that you don’t need rescuing from. Remember: while having a partner can definitely make life great, you can’t expect someone else to be responsible for your happiness. You need to do that work on your own.
-
You believe in the “meet cute.”
It’s OK to daydream that one day you’ll randomly meet an attractive stranger, share a few lines of witty conversation and eventually fall in love. It’s completely romantic and just the thought of it makes us feel a bit giddy. After all, Hollywood movies have lead us to believe that these kinds of meetings happen all the time and when they do, it’s pretty much always results in everlasting love. So, it could totally happen to us too, right?!
Well, not exactly. A romantic realist still makes an audible “squee!” when they hear a great “meet cute” story but, they also understand that this kind of meeting isn’t a prerequisite for a great relationship. In fact, people meet in all kinds of ways that might not seem romantic at first glance (for example, on an location based dating app) but end up falling in love as a result. Whether it’s online or in person, there’s no one “right” way to meet. If you get too hung up on the “whens” and “hows” of love, you might miss out on opportunities that are right in front of you.
-
You think that love has to be full of challenges.
Hollywood movies have also taught us that the bigger the challenges = the bigger the love. In other words, in order for a relationship to be real, there needs to be obstacles to overcome and of course, drama. Lots and lots of drama. But, love doesn’t have to be hard to be real. In reality, sometimes all of those fights and obstacles are just a sign that the relationship isn’t right to begin with.
A romantic realist wants love to be as easy as possible. Instead of arguing, drama and challenges, they just want to meet someone they can really click with who isn’t interested in making things more complicated than they need to be – someone who just wants to be with them, period. Now, that’s romantic.
-
Your expectations aren’t realistic.
In the words of the legend, Prince, the only way you’re going to be “a happy boy or a girl” is if you have diamonds, pearls and the other person’s love. While it’s definitely good to have standards when it comes to your relationships, as a hopeless romantic you’ll only settle for someone who’s absolutely perfect. But, people aren’t just a series of bullet points for you to check off.
If you’re a realistic romantic, you understand that while there are lots of amazing people out there, expecting someone to fit into the narrow, predetermined definition you have of the “perfect” guy or girl just isn’t realistic. Sometimes the best relationships are the most unexpected.
