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How To Date Someone Who’s ‘Out of Your League’

shutterstock_206206240Attraction can grow over time, says Science.

According to a new study cleverly titled “Levelling the Playing Field” which was published in Psychological Science, couples who got romantically involved soon after meeting each other tended to be closer in physical attractiveness; whereas partners who knew each other for longer before dating were farther apart in attractiveness. In animal terms, the “mating market” is levelled the longer the potential partners know each other – or, to put it bluntly, the reliance on sheer hotness lessens over time.

So, what does this mean for singles? It means that if you’re an unassuming  Leonard Hofstadter type, you can most definitely date a “Penny” – all you need is time (because, Science!)

“Perceptions of mate value change the more time that people spend together,” Lucy Hunt, the lead researcher of the study, told the New York Times. “Sometimes you get that Seth Rogen happy story, where an unattractive person comes to seem more attractive to one person in particular. But the opposite is just as likely to happen too. Someone can become less attractive.” Anyone who has been on a date with that buff shirtless guy who looked ridiculously hot in his photos, but one Starbucks latte in, turns out to be the worst human ever, knows that what Hunt is saying holds true.

However, the study also didn’t see any connection between the the individuals respective levels of hotness and how happy they were together. I find this to be optimistic news. Looks don’t matter as much as we think they do – a concept, that in this day and age is extremely refreshing to ponder. It also provides a scientific explanation for why guys who look like Marc Anthony end up getting hitched to Jennifer Lopez.

So, how do you date someone who is “out of your league?” Easy:

  1. Take your time –

As the above study points out, when it comes to dating someone who you perceive to be out of your league, time is on your side – so, take it. Trust takes time to develop. In order to make that happen you need to be comfortable just being yourself. Allow the person to get to know you for the funny, quirky, lovely person that you are. Don’t be afraid to show your personality. I love it when someone can be goofy and silly around me without feeling self-conscious because it encourages me to do the same. From my own personal experience, I’d much rather be with someone who I can talk and laugh with than someone who is merely hot.

  1. Be sincere –

Recognize that if someone is attractive, they likely come in contact with a lot of phonies. Speaking from a female perspective, most women are sick of guys who try and win their affections through cheesy lines, games and trying to morph themselves into whatever they think women want. For example, contrary to what pick-up artist manuals suggest, all women aren’t secretly after bad boy types who act like jerks in order to win their affections through a twisted game of reverse psychology. Smart women see through this malarky. Most of us just want a guy who is smart, funny, confident and genuine.

So, ditch the pick-up lines and games and just talk to the object of your affection, like a normal person. I guarantee that they’ll find it refreshing.

  1. Show them respect –

Keep in mind that attractive people are often objectified in our society to the point where they often don’t feel respected. For example, men are so used to seeing gorgeous, scantily clad women sprawled across billboards and TV screens that when they see one in real life they forget that the human standing in front of them is in fact, a real person. Instead, they often default to starring, making inappropriate remarks or touching. I can only speak from a woman’s perspective but this is something that many of us deal with on a daily basis and frankly, are sick of it.

The easiest way to combat this societal issue? Don’t. Do. These. Things. It’s as easy as that. Resist the urge to touch his rippled abs or send that gorgeous woman an online dating message that says “UR HOTTTT.” Instead, inquire about their interests, hopes, dreams, likes and dislikes. Mention something that you noticed in their profile – for example, the fact that they’re a huge Kurt Vonnegut fan. Showing them that you’re interested them as person and not just a collection of body parts is a great way to set you apart from the pack.

  1. Approach them. Don’t sell yourself short –

You may think that the attractive person in question is “out of your league.” However, I’m here to let you in on a secret: that’s total BS. In the quest to win the heart of your object of affection, don’t sell yourself short. We get so wrapped up in worrying about what the other person thinks of us that we often forget our own value. You’re awesome. If you’re a kind, sincere, respectful person, you’re already ahead in the game. If someone doesn’t appreciate you for who you are – don’t sweat it. You might just be out of their league.

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