It’s human nature to want what we can’t have, which is why we always seem to be attracted to people who emit a mysterious vibe. They’re the human equivalent of a high-end store: beautiful on the outside but with very few windows. Because we’re not able to see inside, we figure they must be holding back something really, really, good…right?
While there’s definitely something to be said about the appeal of gorgeous, mysterious, brooding types (take every character Johnny Depp has ever played, for example); admiring these mysterious types from afar is completely different than actually trying to date one. While they’re never short on sex appeal, “mysterious” usually just translates to “unavailable.”
If you’re attracted to mysterious types, here are a few things to keep in mind.
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You like them because you can’t have them.
This all comes down to the availability theory that I mentioned above. We intuitively think that if something is scarce, it’s attractive and valuable. However, it could be that you just find this person attractive because you don’t really know them. And that’s the problem with mysterious people – you probably won’t ever really know them because they won’t let you.
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You’ll never really get to know them.
As I mentioned above, if someone is mysterious it means that they have their guard up. They are not willing to let you in 100%. But, in order to have a legitimate, real relationship you need to let the other person in. Yes, they’re sexy. Sure, they look really good in that vintage leather jacket. Maybe they’re actually part magical mermaid. All of that doesn’t matter if someone is emotionally unavailable.
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You won’t change them.
People can change some things – like their lifestyle or priorities – but you can’t go into a relationship expecting to someone to change their personality. People will only change when they want to change. Being with someone won’t “make them open up eventually” or “come around.” If you’re thinking these things while dating someone, it means you’re not really happy with who they are (no matter how appealing their “air of mystery” may seem in the short term.) Stop wasting your time waiting for someone to show up to your relationship. Get out there and meet some people that aren’t afraid to give you 100%. They’re out there.
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If deep, emotionally revealing conversations are your thing, mysterious types aren’t for you.
Sure, you may talk about the universe, philosophy and the latest Arcade Fire album, but when it comes to opening up emotionally to you, don’t expect to get much from them. They’re mysterious for a reason: because they don’t want to share certain parts of their self with you.
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You’re always going to wonder where you stand.
Due to the guarded nature of mysterious types, you’re always going to wonder where you stand with them. You might feel physical chemistry, but the deeper emotional connection required to build a long lasting, healthy relationship is missing because they. just. won’t. let. you. in. Because of this, you’ll always feel like you’re stuck in the murky grey area of “almost relationship” purgatory. If you’re looking for a an actual boyfriend or girlfriend, you might want to steer clear of mysterious types.
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Mystery breeds insecurity.
“What are they thinking? How do they feel? Do they like me? I can’t tell! Maybe I’m the reason they won’t open up to me…” Sound familiar? Being in an almost relationship with a mysterious person means that you’re always left guessing. While this may seem exciting at first, in time it will become a breeding ground for insecurity and self-doubt. No one needs that in their life. Remember, it’s not you. You’re just dating someone who isn’t really available.
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It’s all about the chase.
If you’re the kind of person who is more excited by the chase than reaching the finish line, dating a mysterious type is perfect for you. However, just be aware that you’ll be running for a long time. Maybe forever.
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Mystery is also code for “dissatisfaction.”
If you’ve reached the end of this list and are still interested in dating a mysterious type, I wish you the best of luck – you’re going to need it. While a little bit of mystery in the beginning of a relationship is never a bad thing, satisfying, healthy relationships require that both parties be open emotionally. If your mysterious guy or girl can’t do this, you’re always going to feel like you’re chasing the romantic equivalent of a carrot on a string.
