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Why It’s OK to Date Mr. or Mrs. “Right Now”

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Sometimes we get so caught up in the search for “The One” that we become paralyzed and closed off from potentially awesome dating opportunities. Do you find yourself rejecting people over and over because they don’t fit within your image of the ideal partner? Do your friends complain that you’re “too picky?”

While I firmly believe that you should always maintain high standards and not settle for “just good enough,” often our quest for complete perfection keeps us from meeting good people that could have a meaningful impact on our lives.

Here’s why it’s OK to date Mr. or Miss. “Right Now.”

  1. Not every relationship ends in a serious commitment or marriage – and that’s totally OK.

As Frank Ocean says, “you’re either a blessing or a lesson.” People come into our lives for a multitude of reasons. If we’re filtering people based on whether we think they fit our criteria for husband or wife material, we might miss out on some key experiences. Like the above quote suggests, people come and go. Some people stick around for good, whereas others pass through our lives to teach us things that we need to learn.

For example, if I’d never dated some of the people in my past I wouldn’t have learned the value of honesty, the importance of my personal values, what the wrong relationship looks like and what I need from the right one. You can’t expect to find everything you’re looking for right from the get go. It’s the people who end up being “Mr/Miss Right Now” that teach us the most.

  1. Less pressure equals more fun.

When you have the expectation that dating someone either has to turn into a serious relationship or nothing at all, you put a lot of pressure on yourself and the other person. What if you just decided to not do that? What if you said, “I’m going to get to know this person, enjoy being with them and see where it goes, without imposing any expectations.” It’s kind of a relief right? Without the “is this forever?” question looming over your head, you might find that you actually enjoy the dating process more. You can have fun. You can relax. Maybe dating this person will turn into something more and maybe it won’t. Either way, when you stop constantly worrying about the future and all of the “what ifs” you might find you’re actually happier and more present.

  1. Sometimes “casual” is just what you need.

Maybe your life is super busy and complicated right now: you’re in grad school, work is crazy, you’re a single parent or all of the above. It’s OK to not want to deal with the pressure of looking for someone who might be “The One.” In other words, there’s nothing wrong with not to wanting a serious relationship. Maybe what you really want right now is someone who you enjoy spending time with and shares your love of binge watching episodes of Sopranos. Who knows – with the pressure of “The One” off the table, you might just meet someone who surprises you in the best way possible.

  1. People grow on you –

Like Aziz Ansari mentions in his show Master of None, some people really do grow on you. I feel like far too often we’re focused on the end goal (marriage! babies! someone to watch Monday night football with… forever!) that we sometimes miss good people that are standing right in front of us.

Looking back at my own dating career, there are many guys that I rejected really early on based on the fact that they didn’t fulfill certain preconceived notions I had about what my ideal partner would be like. I can now see that a lot of these guys were really good dudes. Maybe I would have understood this better had I given them more of a chance.

Although I do believe there has to be some modicum of attraction or chemistry when you meet someone, I think that some people really do grow on you – both emotionally and physically. This is why I believe that

it pays to be patient and open-minded when getting to know people. Humans are full of surprises. It’s worth it to explore potential, if you think there might be something there (even if it doesn’t fit within your criteria for “The One.”)

  1. We need the Mr/Miss “Right Nows” in order to find the Mr/Miss “Right.”

If we all stuck to our made up blueprint for what we think is the perfect partner and never dated anyone who didn’t have all of the required attributes, I think a lot more of us would be alone. Because as much as we can yearn and plan for “The One,” often what we think we want isn’t what we really need. For example, we might think what will make us happy is finding someone who has a high-powered career, a nice car and perfect abs, when really what makes us happiest is being with someone who respects and just gets us – perfect abs be damned. However, you can’t know these things until we’re actually in the situation.

So, date lots of “Right Now” people. Learn from those experiences. Have fun. You never know – it might turn out that Mr/Miss Right Now is actually Mr/Miss Right.

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