A year after I ended a long-term relationship I finally decided (at the urging of friends) to give online dating a try. I’d never ventured online to find a date, so the whole online dating world was somewhat foreign to me. Combine that with the shock of being newly single for the first time in years and the whole prospect of dating seemed completely overwhelming. Exciting, but still strange and overwhelming none the less.

That was over three years ago. I’ve since learned a lot and am ready to share some of my knowledge. Whether you’re trying online dating for the first time or getting back into it after a break, as a newly single woman, here are a few “survival tips” worth keeping in mind.

1. Seek the support of friends.

As I’ve learned, the old saying “it takes a village” definitely applies to online dating. When I was newly single and exploring the option of going online for the first time one the thing that intimidated me most was creating an online dating profile. Most of us find talking about ourselves really awkward. The solution: get your girlfriends to help you write your profile and make a night of it. Get some food, some wine and get their expert input on your online dating profile. Not only do your friends often see you better than you see yourself, getting their help can be really fun! A couple of friends hosted one of these parties for me. The result: I ended up with a great profile that reflected who I am and what I’m about with minimal stress. (Also, your friends act as built in editors and spell-checkers!)

It also doesn’t hurt to establish a “buddy system.” Whether it’s a handful of girlfriends who are there to listen and support you, or another single friend who is also online dating, it helps to have people to talk to about your online dating experiences!

2. Set aside time for online dating.

One of the biggest surprises for me, was how time consuming online dating can be. It’s so easy to log on, start browsing profiles and before you know it, a whole hour has passed. Yes, online dating does require a time commitment – but, it doesn’t have to be one that’s all consuming.

To avoid getting overwhelmed right away, it’s important that you pace yourself and set strict time boundaries around the time you spend online. For example, set aside certain times during the week where you’ll log on – ie. Monday and Wednesday nights from 7:30-9pm. Once you’re online, it’s important that you’re intentional with your time. Go in with a game plan. It could sound something like this: “tonight I’m going to read through my messages, answer the ones that look interesting and then spend time browsing some profiles. By the end of the session, I’m going to choose three new people to send messages too.”

By setting clear goals and parameters around the time you spend online you not only avoid getting sucked in by the rabbit hole that is online dating, it also leaves you time during the week to enjoy other aspects of your life (and maybe even go on a few dates!)

3. Don’t get bummed out if someone doesn’t write you back, or if you end up going on a few less-than-awesome dates.

Keep in mind that online dating (or dating of any kind really..) is a process of trial and error. If someone doesn’t write you back, don’t take it personally. There’s an old saying, “sometimes the kindest answer is no answer.” Chances are that you’re just not their type and they’re trying to let you down easy. Yes, it’s very passive – but it’s also the nature of online dating and is no way a reflection on how awesome you are.

Same goes with bad dates. Not everyone you meet online is going to be “the one” or even have potential to be – and that’s OK. Try to be as open-minded as possible. As I discovered, a lot of people are way more awesome in person than they are online. Don’t be afraid to date someone even if they’re not 100% exactly, your usual type. That guy who seems nice and unassuming (albeit, maybe a tiny bit boring) might be really amazing in person. You just never know. Think of this as a learning experience, first and foremost!

4. Don’t mistake “not terrible” for “good” –

With that said, if you’re going to be successful at online dating, you have to have a clear idea of what exactly you’re looking for. When I tried online dating for the first time it felt like there was suddenly so. many. new. options. I went out on a lot of second and third dates with people I didn’t have much in common with for the sole reason that the first date wasn’t “bad” and they seemed interested in me. In other words, I mistook “not terrible” for “good.”

Although I’m all for expanding your horizons and giving people chances, it’s important to know what you want. If you don’t want to date a smoker – don’t go on three dates with a smoker. If you know a guy who is obsessed with camping isn’t really your jam – stop dating those guys. Once I became more discerning about what exactly I was looking for, I started to find more people I legitimately connected with.

In conclusion, set boundaries, stay positive, know what you want – and remember, when it comes to online dating, sometimes you get by with a bit of help from you friends!