In a perfect world, everyone we date would be just as into us as we are into them. Unfortunately, life doesn’t always work out that way. Not everyone you meet online is going to be on the same page. You’re going to date people where the feelings are lopsided — and that’s totally normal and okay. The important thing is to stay attuned to the signs and keep your cool.
A few years ago, I dated this guy that I was really into. I assumed because we spent time together on a regular basis and I had strong feelings for him that he must feel the same way too. When it didn’t work out I was crushed. However, looking back the signs were all there: he just wasn’t that into me. If I’d been able to recognize this from the beginning, I probably would have saved myself a lot of time and emotional energy. You live, you learn, right?
Not sure whether the person you’re dating is into you as you’re into them? Here are a few telltale signs to watch out for.
- You’re always the one initiating things.
At first, you texted incessantly, but now it’s reached a point where you’re always the one reaching out and asking to spend time together. If you find you’re constantly having to initiate conversations and dates, it’s a sign that they’re probably not feeling you as much as you’re feeling them. If you find yourself in this situation, press pause on texting them and let them come to you. If they don’t, you’ve found out everything that you need to know.
- They seem unable to make set plans.
Life is complicated and people have busy schedules. It’s not fair or realistic to expect the person you’re seeing to drop everything just to hang out with you. With that said, if someone is interested in getting to know you, they’ll find time in the schedule to make plans — even if it’s a week or two in advance. If you’re struggling to make set plans with someone and/or they insist on “playing things by ear,” this is a sure sign that they may not be that into dating you — or anyone at this point in time.
- They’re “not into labels.”
One of the biggest signs I failed to ignore when it came to the guy I mentioned above, was how he talked about relationships in general. He’d make negative comments about his friends getting married or wanting to have babies. When he discussed commitment in general terms, he used expressions like “getting locked down” or “ball and chain.” This guy was terrified of having a real relationship and if I’d only listened more closely I would have picked up on this from the get-go.
Remember, we can’t change the people we date. We can only change our reactions to their behavior. If you feel like your dating relationship is unequal or you’re always the one putting in the work, have a serious talk with the other person about where they’d like to see the relationship go. You might not hear the answer you want, but at least you’ll know where you stand. Cut your losses and walk away. You deserve to date someone who feels the same way — we all do!