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#ByeFelicia: 6 Toxic Dating Situations to Leave Behind in 2018

annoyed woman on cell phone

It’s a new year, which means it’s the perfect time to take stock of your dating life and ‘trim the fat,’ so to speak. Dating takes time and emotional energy and you want to make sure you’re allocating those precious resources to the right situations.

Looking to reclaim your time and heart in 2018? Here are a few people you need to say goodbye to.

1. The zombie.

You were chatting and/or hanging out for a spell. You thought things were going well — you had good, witty banter and it seemed like the chemistry was definitely there — until they ghosted you and disappeared into thin air for a few weeks/months. This has become par for the course. You chat, you hang out, you have a great time, but then they go AWOL. This master ghost always comes back (“zombies”) because they “miss you” and “can’t wait to meet up.” Sure, it’s flattering and all, but let’s face it — this relationship is going nowhere fast. If someone really wants to date you, they’ll stick around. It’s time to pull the plug on this half-assed dating situation.

2. The person who can’t make plans more than a few hours in advance.

You’ve got stuff to do and their 11 p.m. “Want to grab a drink? I’m hanging out with a few people at X location” texts just aren’t cutting it. If you are able to make some kind of plans with this person more than a day in advance, they always come with the caveat of “Let’s play it by ear.” #TimesUp for this kind of dating malarkey. Sure, we’re all leading busy lives, but if someone really wants to spend time with you, they will make it happen – no “playing it by ear” required. If someone can’t set and stick to a date, they’re not serious about dating you. It’s time to toss them to the curb to make room for people who are.

3. The un-woke bae.

If the person you’re trying to date says things like, “The women’s march is a waste of time” or “People should just get over racism” or “I don’t understand what the big deal is with #MeToo” — or anything else that makes you feel uncomfortable — it’s time to dismiss them from your dating roster. It’s 2018 and it’s not your responsibility to ‘awaken’ all of the baes out there who are still living in the dark ages.

4. The pen-pal.

You have been chatting steadily since you met months ago, but yet, nothing has happened when it comes to actually meeting up. If you live in the same geographic area, there’s no excuse not to schedule a date. Online dating is for people who actually want to go on dates.  If you’ve suggested meeting up and they seem to shy away from the topic or break plans at the very last minute, it’s time to get to the bottom of what’s holding them back. Ask them out and if they brush you off, it’s time to cut them loose.

5. The person you can’t be yourself around.

You’re not quite sure what it is, but you feel like you can’t quite relax around them. You always have to look perfect and you often catch yourself keeping your true opinions to yourself. Even when you feel really good about yourself when they’re around, you can never quite get a read on how they feel about you — and it’s totally throwing off your game.

Ask couples who are in happy relationships and they’ll often tell you that they knew they’d met their match because their partner “felt like home.” You deserve more than someone who is emotionally withholding. It doesn’t matter how sexy/smart/accomplished the person is, if you don’t feel like the best version of yourself when you’re around them, they’re not the right person for you.

6. The person who doesn’t believe in “labels.”

If you’ve had the DTR (Determine the Relationship) conversation and the person you’re dating refuses to actually determine the relationship, claiming they “don’t really believe in labels,” then it’s time to move on. Even if their answer is, “I’m still dating other people and would like to continue to do so,” you deserve to know where they stand. The “no labels” line is simply a way of avoiding having an open discussion about your relationship — something you should be able to do, as mature, consenting adults. There are plenty of people out there who would be thrilled to “label” the relationship they have with you.

 

 

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