“I love it when people ghost me” – said no one ever. Ghosting is never fun, but unfortunately, it’s a reality of modern dating.
While most of us don’t go out of our way to aggravate or hurt the feelings of the people we date, sometimes, saying nothing (ie. ghosting) is the best and kindest option.
If you’re not sure whether you should ghost, here’s a few things to keep in mind.
- How many dates have you been on?
If you’ve only had one date with this person and you have zero desire to see them again, then ghosting is somewhat acceptable — especially if they haven’t texted you either. However, the more dates you go on, the more rude and inconsiderate ghosting becomes.
If you’ve gone on a couple of dates and you don’t see the relationship going anywhere, the right thing to do is to let the person know. This can be as simple as sending a note saying that you’ve enjoyed your time together “but don’t see a romantic connection.”
People don’t like to be left hanging. The instances where I’ve taken the initiative to be kind yet straightforward about where I stand (and sent one of these kinds of texts), the response has usually been positive and they’ve thanked me for my honesty.
- Was the first date pleasant, but the chemistry was “meh?”
You’re simply not going to click with everyone. If you had a decent time with the other person but you just don’t feel a connection, there’s nothing wrong with sending a quick note thanking the other person for their time & wishing them the best. However, sometimes saying nothing is the kindest thing. If you didn’t really feel any kind of connection whatsoever to the person, ghosting is an option. In this case, it’s up to you to use your best judgment.
- Have they initiated post-date contact?
If the other person has texted or messaged you and the date wasn’t terrible (just “meh”) then it’s rude to ignore them. Gently let them know that you’re not feeling it. However, if neither of you has reached out after the date it’s probably a sign that they’re not feeling it either — and that’s okay. Sometimes the least awkward thing you can do is not say anything.
- Could you see yourself potentially being friends with this person?
I’m not suggesting that you should be friends with everyone you date (in fact, that’s a terrible idea). However, if you respect the other person and could potentially see yourself being friends with them in the future (regardless of whether things end up going that route or not) you owe it to them not to ghost. Not only are you going to be saving them time and worry, but it’s also just good dating karma.
- Was the date legitimately terrible?
Was your date rude? Did they spend the entire time on their phone? Do you get general bad vibes from them? Did you feel unsafe? If you answer “yes” to any of these questions, then there’s nothing wrong with ghosting this person. If they made you feel uncomfortable during the date, then reaching out to them after the date is only going to fuel the flame. If you have zero interest in continuing any kind of contact with this person, it’s your prerogative to ghost. You are the boss of your life and you’re not required to stay in touch with people who make you feel anything less than 100% safe and comfortable.