I remember the date like it was yesterday. The guy I had just starting dating was new to the city and when I found out he’d never been to the rooftop bar at a popular hotel, I insisted we go. Incredible view, a great wine list and cute company. What could go wrong?
Well, things were going well until I mentioned I’d recently scored a new client at work. At that point, my date launched into a laundry list of his various accomplishments. He told me about how well he’d done at the last Tough Mudder competition, his Mensa membership, his black belt in karate and how he was once recruited to be part of a game show called “Canada’s Smartest Person.” I liked the idea that he was accomplished and had a lot going for him, I just didn’t like listening to him talk about himself without letting me get in a word in edgewise.
The irony was I actually liked him a great deal before he felt the need to spout off his list of accomplishments. Since that night I’ve learned there’s a name for my date’s behavior: flexing. In response to his own insecurities, he was trying to make it seem like he was “the man,” not realizing his bragging was having the inverse effect.
Although this incident sticks out in my mind, this wasn’t the first or last time I experienced flexing. Like everything else in this world, flexing has gone digital.
Have you experienced the digital cousin of flexing in modern dating? When someone gloats or boasts about themselves over text or dating app in an attempt to impress you, only to have the complete adverse effect? Turns out Dating app Plenty of Fish has a name for this ill-advised phenomenon: Flexting.
The majority of single women (63 percent), claim to have experienced the Flexting craze, according to the latest survey of 2000 singles conducted by Plenty of Fish.
So, how do you handle flexing or flexting? In my case, you call it out. When I think back to the date I mentioned above, I wish I would have said something in response to his behavior. If someone is flexting over an app or text, sometimes a simple peace sign emoji is all you need to exit the conversation.
But flexting is just one of five dating trends POF is expecting to see in 2018. Here’s a few newly identified behaviors and how to deal with them.
1) Cricketing (/krik-it-ing/): Leaving someone on “read” for too long and taking much too long to continue the conversation. Cue the cricket chirp. The majority of singles (67 percent) say they have waited patiently for a reply from their date, only to receive it much later than expected.
How to handle it:
Being cricketed sucks, but at the risk of playing devil’s advocate, people are busy. There are often times when I’ve read a message and don’t reply right away because I have other things on the go. My advice: if you’re hearing digital crickets, don’t take it personally. Stay busy and keep busy. Take this as an opportunity to also reach out to other potential dates. If it’s your turn to write back, be mindful of the neverending “read” message and how it might make your love interest feel. If you don’t have time to respond or need time to check your schedule or digest their message, simply let them know. Be transparent!
2) Ghostbusting (/gohst-buhst-ing/): Continuing to text someone after they’ve ghosted you. In 2016, a Plenty of Fish survey revealed 78 percent of single Millennials had been ghosted by someone they had been dating. It looks like singles in 2018 are putting their foot down in an attempt to end this behavior, with 38 percent having experienced someone who would not stop texting them after being ghosted. Ghostbusters believe persistence is key to success.
How to handle it:
If you’re a Ghostbuster, you need to stop. If someone hasn’t replied to your last two attempts at contact, Let. Them. Go. Ghostbusting doesn’t lead to healthy relationships, but it might score you a restraining order. If you’re on the receiving end of the Ghostbuster, it might be time to speak up. Let them know you’re not interested in talking to them. If you don’t feel safe responding, block, block, block, block.
3) Fauxbae’ing (/foh-bey-ing/): Pretending to have a significant other over social media when you’re actually single. Nineteen percent of single men have witnessed someone pretend to have a significant other over social media when they were actually single. Fauxbae’ing may be an attempt to make an ex jealous, or to convince a nosey family of a nonexistent partner to put an end to their consistent questioning about your love life.
How to handle it:
If you’re currently uploading photos to Facebook of you and your Faux-Bae, stop what you’re doing. Who cares about what your ex thinks? They’re your ex for a reason. It’s 2018 and it’s OK to be single. Scream it loud and proud! And if you catch your BFF posting updates about their “amazing Canadian” and they’re not discussing their love for Justin Trudeau, it’s time to stage an intervention, stat.
